Second Radiotherapy session this afternoon,
I found this particular stressful. There is the inevitable delay which means waiting with little to do apart from read and try to relax in the knowledge of what is install . The mask seemed particularly tight fitting,as if someone was sitting on my face, and I felt as if my breathing was restricted and certainly anxious,almost panic. I drew on my meditation and managed to get through. The Steroids may well be causing swelling around the face and neck (ankles are also swollen though not painful)
Following the treatment there is the journey home via the busy multi -story car park ,payment machines and long queues and the rush hour traffic. On arrival home there is the family to accommodate my hardworking boys who land from their day jobs feeling in need of nourishment and downtime.
I might have to talk to the Radiotherapy team in advance of the next treatment about the fit of the mask.
Dear Neil,
ReplyDeleteThis does sound tough. My sister found herself gritting her teeth before every radiotherapy session (the poor woman had 30 of them), but she wasn't wearing a mask and I can see where that would make it very hard indeed. I wonder if, while wearing the mask, you tried removing yourself from the situation by visualising your trip to the coast with Anne and boys. I know that sounds feeble, but I think that is what I would try to do. (On the other hand, I suspect the people in radiography will have better suggestions.)
Love,
Lenore
PS, Maybe you could take some bird pictures when you're on the coast and then post them on your blog. I'd like that!
Thirty!.
DeleteI spoke with the senior Radiotherapist in advance of the next session and established that the problem was due to swelling of both my neck /face as a consequence of the steroids. Therefore the mask was adjusted and the problem resolved.
Panic Disorder (which is what I was experiencing).This is a specific anxiety disorder on a continuum of anxiety- panic- panic disorder and is characterized by discernible symptoms .A CBT understanding (based on D M Clark's 1986 Model of Panic Disorder) requires a misinterpretation of physical symptoms of anxiety as a vicious cycle.In my case my over breathing, triggered by being confined being misinterpreted as 'I wont be able to breath /cant breath' fueling more anxiety and overbearing. Therefore the solution I used 'Mindfulness' is to be Aware of this process and to face the fear ,reappraise ( accept I am anxious and confined ,however this is normal and expected and then focus on normal breathing. In my case I used the Mindfulness which I have practiced previously to focus on one aspect of my breathing (I choose the belly).Using imagery (special/relaxing place) works equally well for many people I am less convinced about using 'Distraction' (using pictures or anything for that matter) as in my experience there is a fine line between helpful distraction & 'unhelpful avoidance(suppression)'which probably has a limited shelf life especially if there is no new learning occurring.Trying to distract omits acceptance/reprocessing of uncomfortable feelings.At the end of the day its about personal preference and evidence for what works. www.getselfhelp.com offer some useful resources on this matter.
Dear Neil,
DeleteYes, I think your notion of acceptance and working with your feelings is a very good approach, and think I agree with you about the pitfalls of distraction. Mindfulness is challenging, but it does work.
Love,
Lenore
Hi Neil
ReplyDeleteHope you had a good evening after what sounds like a tough day. What do you read while you are waiting for the treatment? Any recommendations? Take care on your bike lad! Love Gaenor x
Hello Gaenor
ReplyDeleteI like the new Avatar.
I spoke with the Radiotherapy Team and we established the problem was due to the swelling of my neck /face by the steroids .The mask was accordingly adjusted and my anxiety minimal.
Also yesterday Anne ,Ivan (best man from USA who is currently in UK visiting family and friends, who happens to work as a Radiotherapist met with the Oncologist for a 'review' . We had a candid discussion (this was Anne's second therefore she has been aware of the somewhat 'dire situation' for a few weeks which I have perhaps eschewed on some level).
Lets say for now, that it was not your typical 'Valentines day' and we needed something engaging on the TV to cope and watched 'I love you Phillip Morris' which was sufficiently engaging to distract us for a few hours before exhaustion fueled sleep. Really looking forward to a short break from'it all' with the boys